So....again...Yup!....:)

So. Yesterday I had that test. I didn't like it. It was difficult and there weren't enough time to do it :S...or I was just so stupid I couldn't do it faster. :( And now I just can wait what grade I will get. I can't do anything more for it. Aaargh! :S...Still so nervous..when I just think about that test :S...What if I fail? What if I don't pass the test?...Am I a loser?...Am I just very stupid? - Or does it even change me? Does it?...(yes, I know stupid questions but when you are enough nervous you (or at least I) think very odd things.

Okay...I don't know if I really want to put this poem here or not [I just thought that in the end I would put it anyway - so why not today]. I kinda like it but it is different and...Okay...I just wrote it (like all of my poems) so please don't read it too closely ^^.

The power of love

The power of love is the one that moves me
it makes me live day after day.

The power of love makes me strong
it makes me happy
but it also makes me vulnerable.

It is so because
I can't stand sadness in your eyes
I can't stand anger in your heart.

And day after day I keep hoping
that I haven't hurt you
that I haven't make you angry.

Those feelings are so strong
and they make me confused.
And that is why I don't know what to think
but one thing is certain;
I will love you forever.

-Vierna- [please don't' kill me...or actually who cares ;) - in the end one have to die only once ^^ ]

Aaaaaargh :S

I have an important test tomorrow so I'm quite nervous about it. I should go sleep early but I don't know can I sleep if I am too nervous. I don't know. My mum said it doesn't matter if I got an A if I pass the test. But it matters to me and I'm nervous. Okay, in the other hand I have to admit it was a relief to realize it is more likely that I pass the test than I got I and I don't pass it :) (like 5% or something gets I) - [don't know is it true that it is like that...]
I would be very happy if I got C. M would be something I just dream about. What comes to E and L I can't ever even imagine I could be so good at English I could get such a good grade ^^. So I'm quite happy after all because I just want to pass the exam [<- okay, its a lie but I have to believe it to be calmer :) ] {<- in some ways its true but in the end I won't be completely happy if I got just A - B is completely different thing :) }

I'm so nervous that my mind doesn't float freely around like it normally does...[it means I can't write poems :( ]

-Vierna- [long time no see :) - happy to see you again :) ] - {please laugh at me if you want - at least you live longer :) }

Odd feelings...Ay?... *frog [not grudge]*

It feels so....so..ah - not good when you don't know what to think about something. It feels so odd - and twisting. And then I just once again wrote something. A poem like thing.
I don't' even have proper reason to this writing. I just like it. Writing I mean. I wrote a poem just I said. Then I wrote an other one. The first paragraph is same but all other paragraphs are totally different. The second one is more like what kind of poem I wanted to write but then I just felt like writing something totally different. So here are my two poems. Have fun with them. I had. ^^ [or something]

My dark room

Sometimes I feel so lost
so lost I barely know my name.

And it hurts
it hurts like stabbed time and again.

Then I'm once again in my dark room
finding no way out.

Praying the Angel of death to save me from my nightmares
but it won't save me.

Because there isn't heaven to me
nor hell either.

My dark room is my life
my world
and my destiny.



And the second one:

Destiny

Sometimes I feel so lost
so lost I barely know my name.

I'm lost in the shadows
losing a part of myself every second.

And in the end there is nothing left of me.
I just disappear from the Earth.
- leaving things just like I never have even lived.

It is my destiny
but I'm not sorry because of it.
I'm happy of it
because then I wont' hurt anyone.

-Vierna-..........[Do you know what is the fastest way to die? *frog*]

^_^

This is very stupid blogging system. It doesn't show my newest posts...It will be seen does it show this one..

-Vierna-

Waiting... >.<

It is funny when you wait something to happen the only thing you can properly think is that what you are waiting for. You watch a clock hundreds and hundreds of times. You think how many hours you still have to wait before the time comes and the thing you have been waiting for so desperately comes true. And then all the time and waiting feels so..so meaningless and then you almost feel yourself stupid because you felt so awful when you just have to wait. And you are so happy that no one in this world could be happier...or so it feels like.

-Vierna-

proper writing?...Ay?

Yup! It is a long time since I last time wrote here....Anyway. That wasn't the point...or actually it was. I just haven't got anything smart to say. [ay...I don't have anything smart to say,ay?]...Ay is almost like yup..Fun to say and write...But now it is summer and I like it because it is holiday...otherwise I prefer autumn. [I love it when leaves are orange, yellow and other wonderful colors ^^]...yes...and I noticed just a minute ago that I can't write properly...[I don't mean I once could have written properly..or something]

-Vierna-...........[writer who can't write properly...or so he says ^^]

:)....Interesting day

Yesh! Yesterday was a very interesting a day because I had a belt test or would I rather call it rank test. I think belt exam would actually be the best choice but who knows :). Point here is that it was very exiting be in one for a long time. I haven't had a one for a one and half years [and one is kept in half a year] Yesh. I made lots of stupid [and funny] mistakes but I got the upper belt. I'm not upper green [5 gup] anymore. I'm blue one. And very proud of it :). (4 gup is blue)

Sorry if I'm too arrogant or something but when you have just a few things be proud of. I mean you can't seldom be happy of you own good success [because you do things mostly badly or ok] you want to celebrate much when you have a great success.

-Vierna-....[almost forget....YUP-yupyup-yup-yp-up-yupyup ^^]