Learn to say when?

This is kind of silly. I accidentally 45 study points... again. Or not yet but they are on the way. I mean, I'm studying them atm. The three 10 point courses and the thesis. I mean, this isn't even that much fun anymore. These accidentally xx points. Should learn to say when and not overflow my calendar with this and that.

Other problem is that I can't really just let things go as they want. I mean, I try harder and harder all the time. Even if the course is just some stupid thing I have to get pass.

Stupid.

And then again. After trying and failing I may still end up accepting the ok result.. But hey! At least I've tried even if I failed!

Blaah!

-Vierna-

Writing...

I didn't remember it feels so good to write. Just write about things, about thoughts and things. Or just write. Write a story, poem or just something. Like this.. Nothing too much to say but still it feels so good to just write. Even if no one ever reads it. But that isn't the point in writing, isn't it. It is about telling something, important or not. It is about saying something out loud and not just keeping it inside. Even if no one ever knows about it. It is still out of ones mind.

It is out in one way at least. 'Cause there is this thing about writing. When one writes something, one has to think it more and one has to make it in to a from others can understand it. Making something like that makes the thing more clear to the writer too. Usually, at least. Of course it doesn't work always, nor to everyone. It works usually for me. Tho haven't kept a diary for a long time like I used to have. Funny thing about it is that I wrote so much more when I had so much to do. So much to be done, I was so busy I didn't have really moments I couldn't think things I should do right now. Tho I think even if it was really hard, I loved it...

Being abel to do things one love and care about is one of the most important things in the world. It makes one to want to live more, try more. I loved to make my chemistry exercises, read my biology book and even do my math things..back then I didn't always like it but that is just part of life, isn't it? Now I'm studying something very important to me, something I want to learn more about. Last autumn went grate. I couldn't wish for better grades... Now I only have to hope that I wont become too arrogant. That would make future very difficult. 'Cause I think being little bit unsure of ones skills is better than being too arrogant. One who isn't completely sure how good one really is makes the one study more. It makes one try harder and harder. One who is too arrogant and thinks one can easily do things, makes the one sometimes too lazy. When should be time to study it makes the arrogant to do nothing and the other one will try bit more... Or at least I think so....

-Vierna....-[little shadow of the autumn wind]

pLayinG aRounD...:]

Yesh....it is in the middle of the night, I feel very sleepy and tired and still I just can't sleep :( -so I'm playing around and writing. ;D

Still can't remember something I really should, forgot to check it from my 'real' or 'main' computer. But oh well...maybe I'll remember it eventually anyways :)

Sun rises

moon rises

it is the cycle of life.

Hell, yeah..

I'm no poet,

But my heart is pure an' true

It speaks the words of its own

and whispers them to the wind.

The wind takes them to you,

you who wants to hear them..

If no one is there to hear my words

it makes 'dead letters' I've heard.

Something sent

but never received.

And yeh, that one is one bad! poem, but tbh I don't care :D

I guess if I read this in the morning I'll be completely like, 'what I've been eating to write something like this' -or that ;D

Have to try if i remembered the thing I was trying to remember...have to remember it at some point...or I just end up checking it from the other computer...

Oh yeah! Bought a macBook a week ago... It is so lovely and nice <3>

Tho I hate it 'cause there is some really old games I like to play sometimes but 'cause this is mac I won't be abel to instal them :(

...and sadly but true perhaps, piracy maybe the easiest way to get them work in the macBook if I really wanna play them with macBook :( -even if I have completely legal bought copies of the games :[...

Yeah... But other than that I luv my new macBook..tho i guess it will take me some time to get used to all these mac's own things :D

School starts next week. Last autumn was really nice but not waiting for spring so much... Maybe 'cause even if autumn was really nice and all it was really hard time. Lots of school stuff and all and then.. Well my bf is at his army service now. So I only see him during weekends no weeks. And we live together... So I basically had to learn to live alone. And I have to say that living alone in long periods isn't so good or fitting for me..

So... I don't wait spring so much 'cause I fear how hard it will be. Bf gets out of the army at summer so it will be other 6 months with no seeing him that much. With lots of school stuff. Homestuff...and ofc, everything else around, between and far away... :(

So. No. I'm not waiting for spring even tho I know when spring is over comes summer and then it will be all much better again :)

haaaufhg..

Oh..it came out longly, but it is okay I guess... Or it is okay till the next morning when I read it again..

-Vierna-........[your little odd creature, and not meaning you, but *you* ;)]

Christmas :)

Merry Christmas! :)

Found this poem when I read my old non posted and posted poems. I like it, tho I like all my poems..so anyways..

Timeless day

When comes the day
with no tomorrow?
When comes the day
with no yesterday?

Day without time.

That day would be heaven for me,
'cause I wouldn't have to worry about tomorrows
nor yesterdays.

I could do anything I want,
time wouldn't stop me doing those things.

But what would I do.
I don't know,
but it wouldn't matter
'cause I would have all the time in the world.

Long time since I wrote here last time. Lots has changed and lot is still the same. Sometimes it feels like the whole world around me moves but I am the only thing staying still, untouched...the only thing remaining the same all the time... Like I am left behind to the past..

Meeh.. :P..

Oh well.. It is holidays now, at last some time to get some rest. Really happy about it :)

-Vierna-....[the mummy ;)]

Long time...

Long time... It could be a year or two when it is actually 4 days. 358 left and those 4 feels like 100 times more than just 4 :(

Why?

Ye, meh knows it feels longer when you wait something to happen but still... It is way too long..

-Vierna ...[feels bit lonely :(]

..and now I'm just posting and can't still write any poems or anything...that's kinda sad u' know :/

Odd....

Do you know that odd feeling when you think about something (a question or so) and the answer just pops into your mind...completely out of nowhere.. and normally (after re-check) it is the right one... or almost the right one..

I was filling this application and then there was question about my average grade..I started to look for my last school report when this number pops into my mind. I somehow know it is the right number but I have to be sure. I have to find the paper to calculate the right number... after few minutes search I find it and calculate the number... The number which had popped to my mind was wrong...it was wrong being 0.01 bigger than the real one..which I think was just some rounding difference...Then again it was just 'one' of possible average grades..there is so many ways to calculate it and I just have to find out which is the right one now...

This wasn't the first time...or the last I think. Human mind is confusing and who knows how it works..

-Vierna- ....[meeh is the evil mushruum]

Automatic doors :D

http://www.xkcd.com/175/ . . .

haven't tought about it earlier..I mean that automatic doors could be sad if you didn't go in when they are so kind and open for you... ^^
Cute idea I think :)....I mean...Automatic doors even move...hmm :D

-Vierna-..........[pink teddybear <3]

Home again <3

It is so lovely to be here again :)....Okay it was a nice week but it isn't the same ^^....Bought too much stuff and ate too much...hmmm...no I didn't eat too much. Holidays abroad are fun but it is good to be at home too. Do your normal things and stuff like that :).... And hear languages you can understand...:D



http://www.lfgcomic.com/page/173 - isn't it lovely? <3....Richard and his wabbit :)



But yeesh...long time since the last post... It will be seen if next post cames sooner :D



-Vierna-..............[it ain't over yet!...ummm what?....I dunno :D...........bu I know...summer ain't over yet!!!]

Gooooooood mooorni-i-ng-g...:)

I have been so tired that I haven't managed to make this post until now...This all happened on a lovely Tuesday...(13.5.2008..) -[which is btw my best friend's birthday]

In the morning everything seemed quite normal. I was tired...Then I went to work..as I have done for "couple" of weeks now...Then I was doing something...umm...Anyway..when someone shouted: 'Hey! Come, let's go and see what's going on over there!' ..I looked into the sky. Part of it was covered with something black..'Wow! A thunderstorm!' was my first thought...Then I realised it was really a pillar of smoke!
...We went to watch what was making the smoke. There were a car burning. And it wasn't just a little camp fire -flames were all over it -and they were high...The backs of the nearest cars were also on fire...
...Then firefighters came and the episode was quickly over.
...After work I went to see what was left of the car...There weren't much left. Just some pieces of supporting structure...those metal ones of course...

It wasn't something one see everyday...so I decided to write about it... ^^

-Vierna-....[Never say never...but I just said never :)]

Odd feeligs ay..aye...:).....(yesh again ^^)

Resently everything have been so...so..odd. I mean everything is changing. Future is more open than ever. I can do (almost) what ever I want with it. Somehow everything in my past have someway somehow been so clear. Okay, I just go there and do things as I have done them....but now it is so different. Have to do big decisions. And I hate making any decisions. It is so difficult for me sometimes.

Ye...Everybody keeps saying: "It is not ...ummm...bad (best word for what I mean ^^..I think) if I now decide something and then after few years change my mind"...But I disagree...Is it so simple to change your mind and just do something else? Okay. Maybe it is....But I mean really..Is it?
....>.< ...Fighting with me again..(I mean I'm fighting with me :])

Okay...And then a poem. Suitable for my confused feelings :)....

A shade of a spirit

Am I really here?
Don't know the answer
because sometimes everything feels so unreal,
like a dream.

Am I just sleeping then?
Having a beautiful dream
while my real life is like nightmare.

Who could save me from my nightmares?
Wake me up
and save me from this eternal torturing.

I would like to wake up.
I would like to see my nightmares go away.
But I know it is impossible
because I am just a shade of a spirit with burning wings.

-Vierna-....[yesh...still here...still :)...and sorry about my bad English :/]

"==( - :P___ (meaning 2008 ^^)

Oh! It is really year 2008. It could be just year 2007. Everything would be different then. We all would be a year younger and all. It could be funny if I had a change to go back in time. Like a year - then I would know all this stuff I know now. Would I have done things differently? -mu- Okay. That isn't a real question because no one can know the answer - and I hate that kinds of questions because history can't be changed :P

Okay that part was nothing. I am just shocked because it is year 2008 not 2007. Time flies ^^

I read my old poems and found this. It is kinda nice. Okay I like all of my poems - even if they were odder than odd :). [haven't been too poemish lately (poemish - I mean the feeling when you write poems - it is not like I'll write a poem. It is a feeling ^^ -it probably isn't even a word ^^ ) ]

We are not here

What means it.
"We are here"
What means it.
How we even can know where we are.

If all this is just a big lie.
If all this is just a big illusion.

How we even can know what means the word "truth"
or "lie".
How we can know anything.

Is it just child's pure trust
when we believe that the sky is blue?
Or anything that we keep certain.

I don't believe we are here
'cause then we would be just flesh and bones.
We are in some place else
our souls are in some place else.

But sometimes we really are here.
Those moments are moments of our heart
when our heart and soul becomes one.

-Vierna-........[I'm not here ^^]

Jup...:p...I mean Yup...YUp-yUP..puP..:)

Long time....Yes. It is because time flies sometimes so fast. It is almost Christmas already. It is quite odd... :)...and last 8 :) months have been fun..so it is quite logical they have gone fast....but still..This fast..It feels odd. Then it is spring and we write our final exams...And then we all have to decide what we will become when we grow up. When we are big adults and do real things and have real jobs and earn real money - of course :P...

And I have changed so much during the year...during the past 2 and ½ years too...I feel so much older than back then...I mean 2½ years ago. It is odd. I think life is odd so I think I think all things are odd in some way...Odd way to think :) - I think :p...Funny thing to say...Yup..(np:Children of Bodom - Somebody Put Something In My Drink) I wouldn't have liked that song 8 months ago but now I really like it....:)

Okay. This poem is different from the previous ones..So I don't know is it even a proper one...but once again I kinda like it...So I put it here..You don't have to read it..Put here it is if you want do so..Feel like it or something :)

Time flies

Time flies when you have fun.
It makes you heart fly
it makes you feel light and good.

You feel you can do anything
just because you feel so.

Your heart pounds
it beats so hard
and you feel so warm.

Like nothing could ever hurt you again.
Like there weren't bad things at all
like all bad things would just be a really bad dream.

You can just be.
Forget all the bad things.

Feel the softness around you.
Feel the love around you.
And you can just be within it.
Feeling it, loving it....and being there in it.
In the warm place we all have deep in our hearts.

-Vierna-...........[All things are odd...so we all are odd too :) ]

Just a test

I just wanted to test where this post will be if I publish newer post first and then this one :P



-Vierna-....[hehe]

hehe..long time no see...again

Time flies....It is already Oct....of..it is November. O.O....Surprise surprise. About that exam I had..I will probably get a C...It is OK but not so good that I hoped. The thing that I wanted to tell about wasn't really that....This post is about odd things so...so don't reed it too closely...Please

What does all the things mean. Does everything always mean something. Have a meaning. Or is there things that doesn't mean anything even if it feels like it mean something but you just don't' know what it means....I'm a bit confused so I think it is better I just end it here...

Made a poem once again....don't know why I put it here...hehe...:)

A little leaf of maple

Am I just a piece of trash.
Something very boring
something very ugly
and all the possible bad things.

What does it mean?
Or does it even mean anything?
What do I have to think about it?

When you look into my eyes
and say you are sorry
but still you don't even try to do things otherwise.

What does it mean?
What I suppose to think?
What I suppose to feel?

In the end it even doesn't matter
because it is just me who asks.
A little leaf of maple.

-Vierna-..............[living is just a small part of our lives ^^]

So....again...Yup!....:)

So. Yesterday I had that test. I didn't like it. It was difficult and there weren't enough time to do it :S...or I was just so stupid I couldn't do it faster. :( And now I just can wait what grade I will get. I can't do anything more for it. Aaargh! :S...Still so nervous..when I just think about that test :S...What if I fail? What if I don't pass the test?...Am I a loser?...Am I just very stupid? - Or does it even change me? Does it?...(yes, I know stupid questions but when you are enough nervous you (or at least I) think very odd things.

Okay...I don't know if I really want to put this poem here or not [I just thought that in the end I would put it anyway - so why not today]. I kinda like it but it is different and...Okay...I just wrote it (like all of my poems) so please don't read it too closely ^^.

The power of love

The power of love is the one that moves me
it makes me live day after day.

The power of love makes me strong
it makes me happy
but it also makes me vulnerable.

It is so because
I can't stand sadness in your eyes
I can't stand anger in your heart.

And day after day I keep hoping
that I haven't hurt you
that I haven't make you angry.

Those feelings are so strong
and they make me confused.
And that is why I don't know what to think
but one thing is certain;
I will love you forever.

-Vierna- [please don't' kill me...or actually who cares ;) - in the end one have to die only once ^^ ]

Aaaaaargh :S

I have an important test tomorrow so I'm quite nervous about it. I should go sleep early but I don't know can I sleep if I am too nervous. I don't know. My mum said it doesn't matter if I got an A if I pass the test. But it matters to me and I'm nervous. Okay, in the other hand I have to admit it was a relief to realize it is more likely that I pass the test than I got I and I don't pass it :) (like 5% or something gets I) - [don't know is it true that it is like that...]
I would be very happy if I got C. M would be something I just dream about. What comes to E and L I can't ever even imagine I could be so good at English I could get such a good grade ^^. So I'm quite happy after all because I just want to pass the exam [<- okay, its a lie but I have to believe it to be calmer :) ] {<- in some ways its true but in the end I won't be completely happy if I got just A - B is completely different thing :) }

I'm so nervous that my mind doesn't float freely around like it normally does...[it means I can't write poems :( ]

-Vierna- [long time no see :) - happy to see you again :) ] - {please laugh at me if you want - at least you live longer :) }

Odd feelings...Ay?... *frog [not grudge]*

It feels so....so..ah - not good when you don't know what to think about something. It feels so odd - and twisting. And then I just once again wrote something. A poem like thing.
I don't' even have proper reason to this writing. I just like it. Writing I mean. I wrote a poem just I said. Then I wrote an other one. The first paragraph is same but all other paragraphs are totally different. The second one is more like what kind of poem I wanted to write but then I just felt like writing something totally different. So here are my two poems. Have fun with them. I had. ^^ [or something]

My dark room

Sometimes I feel so lost
so lost I barely know my name.

And it hurts
it hurts like stabbed time and again.

Then I'm once again in my dark room
finding no way out.

Praying the Angel of death to save me from my nightmares
but it won't save me.

Because there isn't heaven to me
nor hell either.

My dark room is my life
my world
and my destiny.



And the second one:

Destiny

Sometimes I feel so lost
so lost I barely know my name.

I'm lost in the shadows
losing a part of myself every second.

And in the end there is nothing left of me.
I just disappear from the Earth.
- leaving things just like I never have even lived.

It is my destiny
but I'm not sorry because of it.
I'm happy of it
because then I wont' hurt anyone.

-Vierna-..........[Do you know what is the fastest way to die? *frog*]

^_^

This is very stupid blogging system. It doesn't show my newest posts...It will be seen does it show this one..

-Vierna-

Waiting... >.<

It is funny when you wait something to happen the only thing you can properly think is that what you are waiting for. You watch a clock hundreds and hundreds of times. You think how many hours you still have to wait before the time comes and the thing you have been waiting for so desperately comes true. And then all the time and waiting feels so..so meaningless and then you almost feel yourself stupid because you felt so awful when you just have to wait. And you are so happy that no one in this world could be happier...or so it feels like.

-Vierna-

proper writing?...Ay?

Yup! It is a long time since I last time wrote here....Anyway. That wasn't the point...or actually it was. I just haven't got anything smart to say. [ay...I don't have anything smart to say,ay?]...Ay is almost like yup..Fun to say and write...But now it is summer and I like it because it is holiday...otherwise I prefer autumn. [I love it when leaves are orange, yellow and other wonderful colors ^^]...yes...and I noticed just a minute ago that I can't write properly...[I don't mean I once could have written properly..or something]

-Vierna-...........[writer who can't write properly...or so he says ^^]